Now... to get a bit Ralphschismic....

 which really is only the first Joycean  meander through all sorts of places from where i prefer - years stuck nowhere, nobody..

To Zagreb to Sligo and so many little off the beaten tracks in between....

Always from an early adulthood somewhat cautious to say the least about the English... . slash Brits... especially 'abroad'... (always going to the opposite side of a cafe even in Dieppe especially in anywhere further away, to where an English accent may be heard)

Nevertheless ..one needs to know a bit of ones so called 'heritage'  - and having already been 'radicalised' by Pilger and Tariq Ali, into the truth of this dodgy peeps... and realising its everyone else who is radically out of kilter, with humanity...and i merely listened to good oldschool decency in Lorna Doone to Reggie Perrin and remained 'normal'... humanist... or just knew where THE LINE was....

One day Irish chappie come sin to my bookshop in 97 ish and asks for this book. Which really did change my life, too...

But here's the thing.... 

and only a week ago did McEvoy rightly get HIS payout....

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cgmdkk8r472o

essentially all down to Seans sterling work...  for which he paid the greatest of prices over 20 or so years...

Not in sterling either. 

But here's the thing, even if that in the audio below I know is the ultimate price - never ending at least Andy Malkinson got out after 17 years...

There's me  twenty years ago I am even on a webpage with true hero Sean..

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/price-qc.html

in the big year https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/media-on-cases.html which was ONLY a test case on behalf of the REST - i was perfectly all right i had wone the unwinnable case that mattered two years previously

.not many of us there on British 'free speech' top QC pricey   rather pricey too as he was the god of it (Lord Justice Wall demanded i was legally aided  so it could be argued in their inhuman legalese but i had already alone put in written treatise that... was the real case.... 

even if Price was as useless as his so called second) 

(this no case about 'children' it was about state 'cover up' to use pejorative silly language - merely fat old creeps always want everyone to shut up about them... as The British have been world champs in,  for 200 or more years - spin...PR... )

Which is of only passing pleasure...

Even if i lived somewhere thee thickest theme park in the world HAy-on-Wye or far enough away to be nearby just to use the local spin doctors, COOP.... where nobody  there began to understand ANY form of 'politics' or power already by then lost to ridiculous little man Pratchett and his fantasy worlds... (i simply never met anyone for years who had read one grown up good book).

But there you have out of the blue 

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/media-on-defense-of-clayton-freedom-of.html

nothing to do with ME... late 07 Straw stands up in parliament deliberately just before crimbo and announces his 'reforms'  to court transparency (DIPLOCK COURTS) that have fully taken into account two or maybe three public consultations over  4 or 5 years.... and tucks in at the very end "these reforms i am presenting to The House will have the effect of reversing Clayton v Clayton.." which is crystal clear you are either TRANSPARENT or NOT... (as Louise Tickle then found the last 7 or 8 years. her 'heroic' PAnorama on the evil childsnatching British State etc.... . there is no half a pregnancy...)

Anyway as all my emails from 29 December 2007 the day after Esti went to the other household for her week there show... " ehh...CAmilla [Cavendish] have you noticed what JAck straw is up to..." 

In short the thickest journalist in history her 4th or 5th to me says something like " simon i have no idea what you are on about..."

She probably said the same to Frances Gibb her boss when she said to her " simon emailed me yesterday saying get that mad witch off the issue or i will bring in a hundred  purple condom  throwers into our bosses office unless you are sacked...." ( a spindoctored lie cos they were all merely fat thuggish voluble wankers and wouldnt know what a condom was for..or what the word volluble meant, and certainly werent any mates of mine) 

And my hero FG wrote  - as we had fairly frequently for a year or four in our epistles back n forth  ....  " simon i do not respond well to blackmail..."

 the evening before..... she wrote exactly what i had put in my email to her that day telling her what the story was,..

That caused her to write that the Minister of Justice is "HOODWINKING"  Par;liament as youre not allowed to use the words pants on fire..

The only reason Straw did his youturn on telly a monthish later

as you can see on that page (here)...

Now..  the first equal greatest fake of all time as per last post... you would have thought just MAYBE she could add  two and two...

Just MAYbe... if the Minister of it was embarassed in public... by The Times no less...

Maybe that Minister may have waited  7 or 98 months...and taken revenge on ...me

And nobody is ever going to bother investigating the Whitehall files for a little memo " call Terry.. and Maureen..." 

But that's not the point, especially of my fabulous memoirs i need to write...

Early 90s, even as an ONLY worldly traveller...  ULTRA  sceptical verging on 100% prejudiced against the Brits...   there i was that day after a wonderful weekend taking my 'Sligo contingent' for a homecoming 3 day and night pub crawl  which was frightening they were so all the way in it...and lovely in one respect (me not liking boozing other than a poncy sip of craft beer every other year) ...

But they were so so decent....  always cared about me and made sure i had a nice companion to look after me just go for a cuppa and have a nice bit of craik while the whole town was creaking from Jim Mcsharry and co...

And i adored her.... she was humble meek long dark hair.. lovely sweetsmiley....  and as McSharry and co arrive at Sligo airport mid sunday afternoon for us to fly back to Luton except there is another three hours of drinking for them to fit in as they had forgotten the otherwise deserted airport bar...  their whole centre of gravity was " all hail our perfect heroic pilot valiantly fought his way through weather and red tape  to get us here... " etc..

We hereby bestow on you honorary citizenship of this airport bar... and weve all been watcjhing you all weekend we hereby DEMAND that you smuggle her back in the copilots seat or on Dermott's lap so she can hold the sick bag...and....

 And because i was even as perfect Pilgerite and McPhillemina  a prickish arrogant little big dickhead of a prejudiced Englishman i couldnt wash out of me with all the tea in china or blow out of my hair with all the dynamite in... the RUC locker room or was it UDF who cares just fat greedy blokes...

I couldnt bring myself to entirely put into action what i thought, about the most gorgeous of all perfect bloody wimmin... who i still often think of as if it were yesterday and i hadnt ran out of the 'sliding door' and buzzed off.... 

Audrey of Sligo.... 

cos i was still just a bit of a bloody  whateverist....

pompous little twatist (as all English always are deepdown and the cure so impossible) disguised as perfect Saitn Exupperian literary worldly hobo iconoclast 

never mind needing her passport, still... or now....

But I'm not just saying that because the thing is....  as said in audio if i recall or in Ralph on mental elf...

The silver lining as there ALWAYS is one of having an armalite shoved up my arse January 2010 and its still on repeat mode and always will be...

Indeed my experiences of 2003-4.... first round under fire worked 95% 

But still  there was even then early 2010 that smallest little bit of arrogant little english prick still hiding within...defensive, too choosy to even say ..."yes'  to her....then 

Is it was reduced rightly to...well it was 2010  cut out forever ...

Which ultimately is a greater gift than even Sean rightly had in eventual "he was right ALL along..."

I still never ever regret one second even if mine is a death sentence for life (As Munby wrote in 2005 for me  - prepping for this case in his paper of that winter infact Wall wrote as was obvious ... " if the state doesnt actually chop your head off any more then unjust removal  of child by the state or even complicity... in that...  maybe Straw Man's revenge {you never CAN know] ....  its worse than life without parole on fitted up charges... ")

and its also rather freeing to discover that all along  - decades back seen through, your own mother is worst Judas of all time...

But then as she was a buddy of a Beatle's Missus... the one who never said " oi you ex ...wifebating cunt.... cunt... send a learjet i mean you could could afford your own fleet of them one for every other day of the year....  and see your own son just ONCE a year for gods sake rather than monetise fake emotion via your songs and conning the world youre a caring dad.... ..."  its not really any surprise... 

Because even now still in fact it gets better and better i could not have such a truly enjoyed chat in the shithole of the fake universe this morning as i did....

with  a  couple of Micks...  finest folk ive met for a long time...  and REAL minds too...in a way NO Brit can ever be.... 

Only... a nuclear bomb up your bum can 'heal' anyone England-born... fully..... so I'm only the better for mine.... i hope Sean found the same over the years...

And i dont mean in 'public' i mean in private every morn for years just me and silence and nobody to notice you... thats the plan as you also need nobody to notice you...when you know you really were healed....of your fucking passport....

Now..i want a red one if it kills me... one day at least....

I would like to know of a worse one?

This  - the recording (story) below is sort f ending of a range of material i have been making the last few months. 

IN fact it refers to a few earlier things that are also in recordings i havent got battery to find again and put up.

A few more posts (i just think of them as chapters)  will appear here over the next few days. 'filling in' or adding to, what is here now and the last month.

*******

Now i decry (as hate doesn't really exist) shock jokkery...

As Mister Stern began all that  - awful man without one smallest personal value, between all of his fine follicles..

I was a little bit there  working on the fringes of his mad Badlands.. it obviously wouldn't end well.

But i do know story can even 'save' lives - such as Miryams mentioned in the audio below - her story so bravely shared of such shame -   and now twenty years on i will be sharing a few more interesting real stories...

Why stories ..i have rather a good chronicle with so much evidence its daft... but i don't think like that, really... how i think is there is some authority in presenting ones stories in such a way as they are obviously true even in this cynical land....

Engagingly, fully....all the way but never ever to shock. 

Which takes time  - not many an hour sweating over a line to get it just right, merely to curate many thousands i have all over the place into one fairly coherent woven tapestry that's a whole...

with the really bloody messes on the carpet from a lance in the belly, kindof laid out in a  way where one proves that all wounds are useful in some way or other...

Even ones where i could have sued for substantial 'damages' but it never even occurred..

as money is never ever 'justice' in fact i dont even believe in that word..

justice is merely persisting... and maybe one day finding useful story in anything to share with anyone who may one day find that tale  a poultice to their torn flesh...

And above all (ralphschism cheekily part riffs upon this as  there is a decade long one dimensional utter Wasteland of weird self obsession, for unitary gain - even if just 'workshopping'   when theyve NOTHING worth sharing...  only part as i have tons of stuff to weave in from twenty years chronicling every second as a hobby) .. there is NO schema  that is understandable - one CANNOT know why one has bothered surviving rather well flesh wound or the worst of the gassy chambers that is in so many other's heads...

empty or not... 

but LAUGHING at their noxious  gas...well thats when one is 'cured' of what is random ordinary life ...

 And my own cross to bear is i can do that but Ive never thought comedy really is the answer even if Alexei was a demigod ....

I like wistful Proustian or Herbert Batesian stuff or even Georgie girl and her silas...  i think that's useful but i don't think any British can even sit with something that doesnt demand 'victimhood' or  even worse crap like Matt of late " the universe is.... [ fill in the dots - they have so many meaningless variants in what is only flabby language and nonthink...].."

To be cont

audio File 028 made 13 july 2026 evening

The ultimate Judas... ehh even if she needs something rather more poetical

 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Sc_1k13Zka1ZUeQB6vUv7G1G9ueJ9yRx/view?usp=sharing

but it kindof adds to  recent far better riffs on YOUR 'mental health' Apocalypse. 

https://www.ralphschism.com/2026/07/i-should-have-asked-her.html

And a collection of just how good

many more on RS youtube...

thing is there is the 'evidence' - hardly anyone ever watches any kidvid.. despite them being uniquely bouncy funny and life affirming...

I don't think the British   really do value children... as most of literature for the last century confirms, too 

The 'solution'

 I have hobo'd around in a rather gentlemanly way even if a secret most happy near tramp for 5 years seeking ONLY those on the same page regarding the 'solution'  - or the only one i believe may have a chance, to the toxic solutions our water tables became watering the 'tree of life' only with fairly foul stuff that's the death of you all, or at least your children ..... Even if i know the few pristine upland rivers and streams left. I go there to mergolate and see what creativity arises...

And always walk 50+ ideally 70 km a week even in heatwaves which by Indian standards are quite chilly... its all relative....

One needs a loose team or just one who one can brainstorm with - for me it must be someone who also likes the outdoors. I am at my beast in the fresh air and quiet...

(a year ago spent a lot of time on breezy beaches WORKING - on possible material...it MUST be fun too that's the key! ...)

I am very advanced in much thought and creative work on possibly the only 'messaging' work that may work...

Thing is...and this is what i find a little exasperating  at times, if the right formula can be spun up into the hot air  then there is MONEY in it too - money to sustain thoughtful work on better messaging via culture (i am expert)

On the higgledy piggledy  rolling bad poetry site ralphschism i have fired out quite a few word pictures of scenes for material i know are original, and would work...

no copyright all  paint spattered out for free when i can..

five years of not even a  reliable plug to charge the laptop...

But that's the REAL life affirming thing - a valiant struggle keeps you alive, enhances cognition (for sure - eg figuring the habits of the local habit-wearing ones to attempt to use their church socket, as now...without getting the usual dirty looks..  figuring their rotas so as to avoid them....

stealth

As i wish no conflict with anyone ever ONLY the useful possible next allies...

My my i suffer for my art...

and that keeps you younger fitter and is the best of all therapy there is...not that i need any but almost everyone i meet says they do...

There is....money...in it!

Here is one last audio file made this afternoon in the sweltering sun at a lovely cooling river..i know how to make 'work'  play,  too

In fact it MUST be... as sadly Helen Steel didn't know and it nearly killed her

Too much earnestness always does as it killed the whole REAL greening movement... 

the solution unless someone has any better ideas: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bQFNICROMgPOufUgtEc2ZO2sqGTa5keb/view?usp=sharing

it is part three of my recent roundup in two audios of what REALLY is THE only aspect to the environment that matters in this folder

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Lof7hIuw2xxF2OHpD1QSWXV7wuNdQkGY?usp=sharing

 

The "voice"

Now... even with often thousands of pageviews a day into the most un-socially mediated (as i don't do it) or 'promoted' written material  ever,  where i rarely even use a so called hashtag, and don't have online time to post it into places t may be shared, all i am really interested in is truly letting go into a purest almost 'transcendental'  daily creative splurge all rather Proustian. ... but i guess the 'voice' must also be accompanied by snazzy production values. I don't do deliberately, as they only take away from pondering.

What really to say. Merely on behalf of younger people - the twenty to forty somethings,  now. As one thing i know as sure as ferrets are ferrets is that they are most conflicted and confused. Mainly as the rhetoric of the nowadays fifty to sixty somethings  has been for several decades pretty damn awful. 

For several decades with absolutely purest peacefulness and centredness - i always sleep a perfect eight hours no matter what, i always rise early and mindsway through recent days - always in fringe areas as i only like to be in nature and quiet,  and attempt to put the product of  random face-to-face conversation with the few who also do 'care' into useful jotting. Or unfortunately more likely waffling as i have so little battery living 5 years only in a wee tincan...

Always! happily no matter what. 

And i riff into my Prousty chronicle which never mentions places or people as that's not part of my 'universal' George Borrow style mental meandering through the populous. And the main subject which always is in the back of my mind...BACK! as by default everyone assumes it overwhelms one - not at all, it is merely a serious calling which when i am well rested, and well 'walked' - 50 hilly km per week no matter what; often a nap outdoors in the hills, often a more focused and even 'creative' way os saying things may come along, so i try to get it all down - always battery constraints unfortunately causing terrible prioduction values....

but then i found fifteen years ago that's what real 'mindfulness' is - casting aside lifelong habits of careful writing and presentation and making oneself seem an illiterate  fruitbat, as  what others think negatively doesnt matter, all that does is some occasional positive insights one can catch and stick down into something  that may be engaging...

One such thing is in my auto didact waffle pages which thousands often read  

 https://www.ralphschism.com/2026/07/nowif-those-fine-bosnians-had-even-one.html

which goes to free substack audio

"only women have the 'voice' "; even if their so called sisters voice something counterfactual, so as to keep only themselves in the shabbiest bits of coin

Published 6 Jul at 14:07 • Edit tags

https://ralphschism.substack.com/p/only-women-have-the-voice-even-if?r=2jdt8a

within which i refer to the ONLY MP for some years i like... (indeed find rather fabulously sexy). 

And it is sadly trite and seems particular to start mentioning whatever likely only half told story behind her arrest for criminal damage, to her once beloved... but its only mentioned as if she were a ,male politician it would endlessly be stated that she had spent a night in the cells...  when quite rightly she quite rapidly entered power politics and was on Any Questions just a few weeks ago...

https://www.change.org/p/domestic-violence-victims-and-public-sarah-champion-perpetrator-of-donestic-abuse-has-to-resign

The problem always is definitions. " power" or "voice".

Even the silliest redneck (the very rural countryside i have only inhabited for 32 years is sadly full of such) has taken in at least a little of the environmental disaster. Thirty or forty years ago the rednecks were often into so called 'sports' such as fishing...

Well there are hardly any LEFT.  As they wont have failed to notice. Surely the environment is one of the leading issues in society and from 30 years within 'environmentalism' in THE environment - which is fringe lands such as The Marches  where the great bulk of animal life was, almost all in the 'third sector' and local politics who stuck their noses above the tranches were female. It may be that in most of the MArches constituencies a male eventually wins a Westminster seat but everyone knows that for example in Herefordshire constituencies the last 20+ years various female county councillors have been  the people who get all the media access on THE ENVIRONMENT which surely is the greatest real issue of our age (fertility now majorly affected likely due forever chemicals i write on this elsewhere)  and even if male the local MP take it from me, cannot afford to be seen at odds with the 'female' narrative regarding the environment. Even if he is a lobby-corrupted creep behind the scenes, nevertheless females define the provincial narrative. 

to be cont

LAst summer i was all summer BOLSTERING this lady who was living with me temporarily. I have spent a decade attempting to bolstyer women i have been acquainted with in using THEIR voices to say what they say... they care about. 'license' via encouragement to let go and just spit it out - ideally in an elegant fashion. 

She had never written before in public.

We didnt have battery then either so it was all extremely fast writing up things every morning. 

I wrote this one as i learned to truly 'let go' and let my authentic deep me-soul just ramble on fast into the screen.... inadequately written as usual .... though it came from her heart

 https://open.substack.com/pub/asilpyg/p/forever-chemicals-or-xenobiotics?r=2jdt8a&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

HEREIN  - link below, two audio files made yesterday on what nobody ever simplifies and speaks out on in respect of the REAL major cause of all the damaged watercourses in UK.

Which are at the root of the tree of life and thus just about all the rest of nature so so badly damaged too...and it will NOT change... it cannot due chemistry and physics...of the home - summed up below

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Lof7hIuw2xxF2OHpD1QSWXV7wuNdQkGY?usp=sharing

and what if anyone in any locality knew one was saying would get one HURT

fact...reality.... 'free speech' is in reality almost more of an abstract thing for townies...

your major lifetime issue became the environment,  from spray residues everywhere to utterly ruined watercourses due to domestic  outflows - likely even more of a negative, even by Presteigne or Knighton or places in other National Parks which should really have known better the cash they gobble up...

And will get you as a MAN hurt (eventually ) if one says the above in any cafe ....

or pub  - why i havent been to one for years....

It is like this.... in 2016 you had the 'Panama Papers' scandal and i would see  especially the younger generation of online pundit / news people - one in particular who had 100s of thousands of subscribers - trendy slightly edgy chap....

And their infantile line was 'scandal revealed'.  Infantile because for fifty years the DEFAULT social norm in uk is if one makes a little money from business or even inheritance, the whole CULTURE is that ones friends or even at the local restaurant someone will say " i hope you arent paying much tax... i have a schoolchum who helps offshore things on the quiet.....we all use him don't you know....." 

Using offshore instruments is THE CULTURE. Has been for decades, and nobody will change that 'culture' unless it is indeed spoken of as the actual culture.

It is exactly the same in respect of the environment..i lived in it - in the wilds of the foothills of Welsh hills from age about 9... i have spent 75% of my life since then in such places - 25 in the wilds of The MArches in remoter places....... and little by little the whole culture of 99% of people who gravitated into those places, which are THE environment,  has been that of lifestyle which uses more molecules that  negatively impinges upon nature one way or other...even if 'well intentioned'  

 What is in those audios is THE reason watercourses are damaged, but also explains how it is 'the culture' meaning of course jobs businesses that then grew in such regions are all part of that foothills infrastructure which IS 'the culture' 'the society' which will always have negative effect on ecosystems unless somehow a truly puritanical lifestyle can be made the new culture.. but nobody speaks of it properly..in the 'real' world 

not impossible, i did it to myself and i am very normal....AND IT WORKS! it is a personal nett true joy and ecstasyfor three decades

Those the positive stories are never told..in a meainstream engaging way

and silly me some years ago i started to think that the only hope left is engaging culture (via books film etc) is the only hope and have meandered randomly half a decade attempting to find collaborators on the same page...attempt to get material made that reaches the unconversted...

 and they have to be female as only females really have the voice in the world of  attempting real lifestyle change...

But this far all i encounter is people pleasing - often months of "yes i love it lets try and take that film idea forward..." and then flounce out....

Only due their (ordinary bourgeois) forebodings... 

which is why so many are in fact absurdly unhappy behind the yogamamma image .... i know, they were my people....

 Twenty years ago I was offered a book contract. I was even taken out to lunch by the owner of the Imprint.

I was tempted but declined. For two reasons. Well three, really.

Firstly my daughter, as all kids do, needed the most present and engaged parent. That had always been my priority from summer 2000 when her parents split up.   Even a few weeks minor media tart really does take it out of you. She needed all of me. 

Secondly, I didn't really 'need' to tell the story, for me. I was the most satisfied person almost ever in the 'family' justice system. (one of my first assumptions it was so dull to have to frequently deal with " poor you..." Nope, nobody else ever 'won' a custody battle, with, even if as the judge said 05 'minor' extra factors), and  won it in a way that was as concrete as possible. And that is because a senior judge (Ray Singh) did know various factors behind the scenes..or even TV camera. 

But also, there were always things there in the background (the 'other household') it would not be in anyone's interest were they to be aired in any public domain. Let's just put it this way, the settlement that became the supposed 'voluntary' arrangement the parents reached,  that as the High Court said " should be a template for all other couples" (see judgements page) wasn't really....voluntary.

My opponent in this custody matter was never mother. It was in fact her and a very very sad most unreconstructed man  she had taken up with summer 2002, who had in effect deserted his own two children - that's what it means if they are taken away 150 very long miles up Wales - a tough difficult commute,, and you as father no matter how unjust his ex wives actions were, don't move to be as close to them as possible. He decided that encountering a father (me - though he never dared to actually accept my invite to tea now he was LIVING in the same house as my 3 year old)  who maintained every single minute of his time with child - then half time at each house, who may just put into stark relief his own ... inaction, and he began a campaign to use my daughter's mum as his proxy for his rather warped sociopathy.. He began and maintained for years a sick war. 

And he continued for many years with just that kind of approach (friends in the forces .. and Wales is VERY masonic-mafia).

In May 2004  Ray Singh ordered full shared care recommence.  And he also ordered "PEACE". The other household however had other ideas and maintained an unpleasant vexatious lawfare.. (costing you the taxpayer many 10s of thousand pounds as it was all on unlawful legal aid being this man owned property and they should never have received a penny. I didn't - i did my own lawyering despite qualifying. I had nothing). 

In short in summer 2005 the "revolutionary" "template" case ending that I caused to come to pass - even if rather flukey, was FORCED upon the other household, by the highups:  "...you've had all the money in the world for your lawfare...and all our patience... and more court time than anyone else gets ..... either accept this...or perhaps you dont deserve to... dot dot dot..."

And i didn't want to or need to take away from the genuinely USEFUL 'template' that to me always honours my daughter.

Lets also just say that in 2002 the other household said (after losing their first vexatious  court case of false allegations sept 2002) ... in person a few weeks later " i am taking her to Poland and you will never see her again...you know my father is a senior [and VERY drunkard dangerous] policeman...he wont let you get within 100km of Zamosc..."

errata, spat it in my face on a public street outside my little bookshop. 

There also was at the time in the national British media a famous case of just that happening to an English  father  and it was often stated that he had no recourse to any courts in Poland as essentially they didn't really have any civil justice system at that time.

So, there is rather more..... than the laughable little BBC episode below... (they really are one dimensional and puerile).

But i didn't NEED to rock the boat - it was in 2006 a case of merely try and put out into public what is USEFUL to others. And leave it at that,  as it is difficult to tell only half of a story. 

But i did say to myself that in 20 years the raw version should be left behind for my descendants. It's astonishing  - i read avidly (no telly since Esti born) and augment it by radio 4  - keep one eye on the sad to say enemy... but its astonishing how many people even in their 60s are still REALLY in a mess due their childhood - recently i had a person to person example out of the blue... who may just share the same father as me.... age 63 he by his own admission is still wobbly and many women speak of that in fact more women..

so at least having a true version available, i think is important for future or one day 'mental health' for said descendent. 

And there is a third reason i shall not expand upon yet, and in fact is the ONLY reason I shall attempt to do more on this now, which is that the 'journey' or mission was far more subtly interesting than i was ready to attempt to put into engaging words then - 3006 I do not believe in us getting 'help' from the fairies. But there are almost metaphysical evolutions i went through,  i just wasn't able then to formulate into words. 

And i know they matter. That was the main reason i declined. 

And anyway there is a rather long epilogue. From 2010. Now ... i could never have imagined it would spin that way, nor that i would survive it doing so. And bizarrely that period - then, to now, I find so so much more interesting..... 

One aspect that may sound dull but i find interesting (and useful for others even if nobody ever can listen in UK)  is the mental health aspect.

I recently began a write up here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XdHrSWixWHrbLoLFxIih27qXkJCvANS-ZDkiDW-riUQ/edit?usp=sharing

Not my 'mental health' .... but having a fair few memoirs of those with real fruitbatitis and studied it as adult undergrad ..i know 99% of what you are told about it - remedy, is bullshit, and i know you wont find a better attempt at dealing with some root cause...

Lets just put it this way for some years almost EVERY single seemingly sane middle class person i meet has disastrous insomnia. Almost all my age group speak endlessly of mental issues ..

If anyone has earned them - a head utterly fucked, it is me..

And yet i know my own mental health is brilliant, sleep always perfect.. and thats been constant for 38 years years

In fact that's the point: having to fight for your dear life for all that matters (ones values and fighting to keep to them no matter what all around do, i know is key - or one) - my daughter is the only thing that has mattered for 27 years, keeps you sane and well balanced even if you have to virtually live in Hades' dungeons... for decades. Even if i do the outdoor version in the sunshine  more than anyone else in UK i ever meet...

Anyway time to do a slightly more adult version of the 'story' . Soon.

Not that anyone especially me cares even if i have not one second of regret, as i know i have dedicated 97% of my waking hours no matter what for 27 years to my daughter.   But actually far more for the how to live on version. Without confected suffering vulnerability or victimhood... (all i could have gone along to the Council and claimed  10 genuine gold stars for years ago) 

Oh yes and the little matter of 'feminism'. Especially the last 5ish years i have 'studied' every single wave and ebb and flow of it.  Mary Harrington back to De Beauvoir. This case is about pure equalicism. And my daughter would tell me even in 2015 she is a 'feminist'. 

I have given speeches on it (unplanned). and i opened with... " all this fancy legal stuff... ask almost every modern progressive woman i have ever known and it is ONLY about one thing; doing HALF the housework...and baby work or at least as soon as its off the tit; titmilk expression devices been around for at least thirty years in fact  i would guess quite a few centuries.

 But it is also about equal RESPONSIBILITY. Not to tell lies.... 

There is recent writing in fact on how so many women are in a truly bad way 'mentally ill'. Lots of 'cluster B'. There comes a point where it cannot all be merely blamed on years of oppression in fact serious female writers are getting very nasty about their sisterhood. Here is one example

https://hannahspier.substack.com/

https://hannahspier.substack.com/p/towards-a-new-treatment-model-for

Meghan Daum also carries a lot of material wondering if the pendulum hasn't swung so far  the other way its fatally swung off and impaled ones bollocks so badly that it's the End Times for everyone as she knows healthy balanced wo/man is essential for civilisation.

Ditto Jenny E holland.

renowned modern independent writers.

In one of Spier's  pieces she basically says that false allegations, yes often on witness stands,  even if part of a cluster B personality disorder, may best be treated by proper punishment...

If someone had done that in this one, 2002, to a certain person/couple, when they defaulted to excruciating horrible lies on a stand, it may have saved a LOT of taxpayer cash....

All i know is that for my 'feminist' daughter i would not wish any pyric victory. As they aren't. They never last....

A REAL permanent shift in culture such that men take equal responsibility for home/babas ..sharing work opportunity and housework...  still has a fair way to go...

never mind UK becoming the world centre of false allegation - probably caught up with USA now...

To me if i were a woman i would be ashamed at the behaviour of many of my sisterhood...

and as a man i have always been VERY very circumspect about most british fathers pretending to be 'family men'... 

And as everyone now agrees from teachers to psychs .. the last few years a tsunami of behavioural problems are getting far worse in kids ...

and ONLY mum and dad together even if in some enforced peace treaty can ever fix that... the notion the state could ever have afforded to be subcontracted as Missus Fixit...was always insane 

(despite living off grid  5 years only in a small van, with extremely limited computing abilities  - to even detypo never mind write properly, i do get at least 1000 page impressions here a week and often many thousand a week at another  - far more gonzo freeform, place... i need allies! .. dont mind cross fertilisation! ... )

Arty Farty stuff

 Following on from 

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/media-on-cases.html

oops i WAS going to write, where the glorious Sophia QC  of famous campaigning chambers,  Tooks

https://social.shorthand.com/SophiaCannon/ugYrVXdVZ/about-sophia#:~:text=%23UndercoverMutha,Sophia%20Cannon&text=She%20was%20called%20to%20Middle,Law%20in%20Tooks%20Court%20Chambers.

 called yours truly   "Che Guevara" to the cameras,  however it seems they GOT hertoo poor thing....

 https://www.barstandardsboard.org.uk/resources/unregistered-barrister-sophia-cannon-ordered-to-be-disbarred.html

https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/barrister-embroiled-in-personal-proceedings-disbarred-for-abuse-of-process/5102909.article

Anyway i seem to have wasted twenty years of my life having random informal conversation with all and sundry, especially many mothers, who say they 'care' about things like a fair society, or even justice..

Yet as soon as one mentions 'transparency' it is as if one is speaking a foreign language - canibalese, and indicates one would want to eat their babies, too... the notion that any ordinary person may ever have anything to do with the 'media' is for other people.... and somehow one is lesser for even thinking how the Fourth estate may just have been developed for a reason - truth to power...

And power.... one wonders if they have the money or ability to go and dose them all via 'chem trails' or Mister Gates' arm-delivered,  microchip they all show off being obsessed about (the last 10 years all one hears!) , when maintaining transparency in society is a long hard VERY boring struggle... as they the powerful have centuries experience doing sneaky things to shut up a citizen with a good case...

... until, that is..... something goes wrong in THEIR lives. 

when it's too late. They 'get' it then.....

which means i have had twenty years of from aside - listening... slightly Socratic conversationing ... listening to the ordinary people become EXACTLY what power wanted, infantalised....

All i wish to do is somehow create whistful story and art about those twenty years...

Because as sure as ferrets are ferrets to quote what even a dumb white rabbit knew,  real 'power' - which is merely corporate interests as it has been several centuries, has been sitting there chuckling  for twenty years that nobody carried forward the important foundational test case below.... 

which is why they still get away with all sorts of shenanigans...

As Emily Barley knows, and thus was on the wireless this morning regarding unnecessarily DEAD BABIES stating https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/ce8jr2rnze2t

"TRANS....PARENCY!"  is the only solution.... 

And you can bet your bottom dollar that the 'system' - which means every single person wearing a lanyard, from the security guard at the baby bin, to the top consultant and judge, and prison governor if Emily was seen by them to be TOO successful, will say at some stage - usually quietly by the bins out the back  " well ...maybe its not a good idea to go on telly talking about that.... i mean maybe...just possible..... someone in authority, may be 'harassed' or offended  by your campaign and take a counter-case.....maybe even try to gag you...and their legal fees will be paid for  by their work.....yours, and THEIRS, if you lose  - round 4 as they can afford to go all the way to The Supremes...  by youtoo...goodbye any house, or even future car finance you may need.."
How it actually works, in the real world...

nobody ever listened or did much about anything

A superb subject for art.

Kafka... even Orwellian...

Ask Ai Weiwei... what art is for?!

And all British art seems to ever do is nothing; or even worse, pretend Unmade Beds are even slightly interesting when under the covers of their darkness its TEN times more bloody and brutal 

Twenty years.. where did it go....

 

My Life Story - the end ...

 This post (just a page of many)  will be improved over the coming few days.

As some know (but they don't know why) i have lived entirely off grid in a  van for 5 years (no solar charging system either, as it draws attention). My only impediment is not much battery in my laptop for days on end. (as ALL public spaces in the UK literally went mad 15+ years ago - there is no 'free speech' to say to even the librarian - many libraries i have tried to use,  " PLEASE would you respect the human ferkin rights of library users to have a QUIET space where YOUR holiday arrangements arent broadcast loudly to your fellow library employees and into the users workspace so i know every dull detail!  or your latest illness" - UK literally did go mad). And thus no time to write nicely and fully. A quick splurge  may take an hour- i can type and write very fast, ,  but to edit it to nicer more succinct writing takes five. I never have. 

Now.... this site was set up only to attempt to get people to think about what 'freedom of speech' WAS 'for'.  NOTHING to do with the 'culture wars' of the last 6 or 7 years. 

What i REALLY care about is maybe two simpler matters.

1. This legal battle on the publicity matter especially (NOT a rear guard, as Sophia Cannon said a deliberate "revolutionary" attack on the culture) only came about as I an UNeducated person  - left school at 16, but i developed my imagination  - in this case to IMAGINE how the law SHOULD be when everyone else - experts, said i was actually mad to try!, via years of mainly novel reading. Not bimbo crap like Terry Pratchet. Not elitist either. But via the quiet languid simpler books like Coetzee's Michael K  or Hesse or Gabriel Garcia Marquez (though i prefer women writers). And apparently overall reading in ordinary people has now totally collapsed other than in respect of silly rubbish such as 'crime' or even now we have 'romantasy'. This is the real crisis that modernity faces. 

2. Monitoring the public conversation for many years it ASTONISHES me that in the modern conversation no expert (psych / justice / etc), so called modern day 'campaigner',  or mature senior journalist  can EVER in the UK say "  when a man is around a young kid a lot it civilises him... tends to pacify him and make him into an overall safer citizen [longterm - rest of life]."

Nor do they say  in respect of both sexes, that "having a kid can mature you  [or at least once DID]  into someone who one day  - when kiddos are maybe off to school with some autonomy .. to take wider society far more seriously and even 'take part' ... " Meaning when you look at the environmental issues for example  (FACT - the data is clear all over and i am expert 60% collapse in bird numbers 50 years and rate has DOUBLED last 20 years; amphibians have almost disappeared the last few decades;  insect [pollinator] numbers are down something like 60% this century - that is Apocalypse) 

.......you sit there thinking "I love my 5 year old... and now i get it, it is THEIR planet... so i should take part in the 'cause', for THEM, i love.." Its the only real power i know of.   

And then also so many modern commentators the last few years have been showcasing books and other commentators about how truly wonderful it is to be 'child free'. 

Strange that... i have meandered several regions of the UK where many (50 something) wealthier people take earlyish retirement and many S.West villages are in fact  very 'female' (and actually well known as lesbian getaway / holiday locations ) meaning that middle aged single women  gravitated here  - and a high proportion are childfree ex careerists (as its very expensive here) , they seem to have ended up retiring to the region en masse  and feel 'safe'... 

.....great ..wonderful... except one problem: my my the real unhappiness in   their eyes, and posture;  they cannot hide. And several female friends my age speak of the childless middle aged woman (with no purpose left!)  being the most destructive person in THEIR communities... 

 

Anyway MY life story i am attempting to simplify and starting here:

VERY first draft

I am not 'eccentric' i am quite normal. 

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/14nXChKCwDsUzL15lT7iasN-gaDoTxs_c?usp=sharing

This legal case. Summary. 

I recently wrote this to someone and will edit it into a more succinct version soon.

I arguably have the most important UK  legal 'TEST case' this century in the civil courts on state vs citizen - entirely staged.  The citizen's right to speak out. (not some random lawfare scrap) Bear with me whilst i explain a little a subtly complex matter, i know you alone will have the intelligence to grasp.

I know America (and the reality of US society, constitution etc.) well. UK is as you will know a little less straightforward.  

I shall now riff upon 'Freedom of Speech' - what my  test case was  kindof billed as, however this has been rather warped the last decade into something a long way from what it was initially developed for. At least in part.

The US first Amendment speaks of freedom to express ideas and opinions.  Over the decades the majority of real people living humdrum daily existence came to depend on the freedom to 'CALL OUT' bad acts  of landlord/ employer / commerce and state power via the 1st..  Truth to power.

In the UK until 2006 this legal case was the test case which established where the line was between privacy (for the ordinary citizen) and the wider need by the citizenry to know truth  - for the common good. And universal societal justice to evolve So as to effect democratic accountability.

prior to me 
Clibbery v Allan ([2002] EWCA Civ 45) is a landmark English family law case regarding privacy and confidentiality in family proceedings. The Court of Appeal ruled that documents filed in private family court are not subject to a blanket obligation of confidentiality, balancing the right to a fair trial with free speech


In the UK 'confidentiality' is so often used as SOP by power so as to hide THEIR dodgy deeds from any public scrutiny. Clibbery vs Allan set the benchmark as to where the edge of the bench was.. in ALL areas of law. 

I came along (2005-6) and for NO benefit or need in my own life, reset that benchmark via my 2006 test case which the most powerful judge in the Royal Courts of Justice set up via me (he knew i was a reasonable person and also wouldnt take anything personally - all a game). He  - Lord Justice Wall, deliberately nurtured the case forward in front of three of the most senior RCJ judges so it would go straight into UK law overriding parliament. (that's what 'common law' means - by precedent but it has to be top dog judges).


My own case was ostensibly that a ridiculous  High Court Injunction ('gagging order') had been almost automatically handed out to me a year earlier when there was no sane reason.  They are very serious as they carry a 2 year gaol term for contempt if broken - in reality four years,  as quite uniquely contempt sentences dont get half time. I was doing truly nice sweet philosophical TV a little (interviewee on mainstream tv ) connected with child law  - never ever contentious in fact i was most conciliatory and useful in my statements - why TV would keep coming back to me.

But forget 'child' law or the like as in Clibbery a lot of other civil (and some criminal too) law was 'set' to this British fudge which basically held that the STATE can hide behind powerful  'secrecy' legislation   when it does naughty acts on the citizen  - power misbehaves knowing that the citizen can't go to the 4th estate as they can gag everyone concerned via 'privacy' legislation.  Clibbery set the dial.

In short from 2006  i reset that dial causing FAR greater openness.  My case (Me vs the state not the other parent named) held that  EVEN in child cases, the default setting in the courts - all of them, must be that unless there is extremely troubling history that would wound a child for life if it were ever publicly revealed  there must be de facto transparency. Always.

It was not a  'test case' re child law it was a test case that because it affected a child (the 'hardest cases') it would serve as precedent in ALL other cases of the state (or business) attempting to silence the citizen via gag in all other less 'hard' cases of law. i.e. "if its necessary to the public good to go public in a  CHILD case, well a case about an old person being poisoned by rancid bacon in an old folks home the kids  want to get out there in the press [or even on Fakebook] is FAR less philosophically hard to countenance.."

How it came to work in the real world, if ones elderly parent is mistreated in a care home, if the family said to the management that they were "going to the papers to expose their bad ways" even the care home management would of course resort to the acts of a scoundrel in " its not in the best interest of the old person even if they have suffered as you allege, to have their 'private' afflictions spoken of in public... GAGGED!" in reality it works by threat of LEGAL COSTS against an aggrieved citizen if MAYBE a gag is sought..

And the real never discussed de facto gagging in UK worse than US is that lawyer fees are roughly 3x so a costs order against a citizen (paying local authority's fees or say a care home) is far more serious a threat!

it is the true root of a culture of silence in uk far less problematic in USA .. the cost of litigation used as THE weapon...

 

By changing the benchmark to the 'hardest case'  - a child, this meant that almost always no 'authority' could threaten injunction in the event the citizen felt a bit of public truth to power may assist...

I did my own lawyering - untrained self taught. I am 3x Erin Brockovich though sadly 3x less pretty.  David vs (major legal aid supported) Goliath.

As it was 'staged' by the  sadly late LJ Wall, all the senior media were almost involved in the case. As were many of his fellow judges.  It was interesting the huge PR operation underway in parallel  - that i in fact orchestrated (and used to advantage). Interestingly every single senior broadsheet journo (all female as women did 'domestic' news)  were completely on side - celebratory. Some, bless 'em, even claimed to be fellow "campaigners" for transparency. (like the famous late Denise Roberts of ITV This Morning). All BS  - none helped. All said i was nuts to try and roll back this Berlin Wall legal paradigm. Until i did.  

And Wall had corralled all his fellow judges to fall into the new line i had created. Many official speeches etc..

Sadly most of the journos of either sex were too thick to really understand even the most basic aspect - it was the 'benchmark' foundational new precedent that could and would be used in almost all 'publicity' decisions in the future.

It is still badly written up here https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/media-on-cases.html

(it is taught on UK law degree courses )

THE (2000s) one superstar of free speech law Price QC refers to it more than any other case in his list of notable cases (me in there with all the rascals from AL Fayyad to Galloway  )   https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/price-qc.html  - he did the speeches (only) in appeal court i did all the writing that got us there... 

 

In 2008 they had a go (Jack straw) at reversing it. He failed. I am a nuclear weapon. Within a few months of him announcing in the HoC he was going to " we have consulted...we have listened to all the campaigners.... we will enshrine in new law next year  fullest transparency with new legislation.... [the last paragraph stating of his statement to the HoC ] ' this will have the effect of reversing Clayton...' .. "

All the journos especially Camilla CAvendish (i was directly in touch with some years) too thick to realise a sop.... until Frances Gibb legal ed of the Times reprinted an email  from me to her (my buddy) stating this is a HOODWINK... straw was deceiving parliament and a few weeks later he did a u turn on TV.

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/media-on-defense-of-clayton-freedom-of.html

6 years later by further dodgy dealings (details dont matter)  when i was incapacitated due grief they played a fast one and enacted new law closing my lacuna.

End of that dull story (still needs a book on - fancy a crack?) other than to say i understand more than anyone in UK the reality of law regarding Free Speech and.... what it is FOR. It has been my last 20 years.

Now... i am fully with you on your approach to 'culture wars'. No reservations. I probably wasn't a FS 'absolutist' until 9 or 10 years ago when as we know it all got very silly at which point i certainly became an FS absolutist. BUT  - and i now approach the reason for this communique, this modern need to debate where is a line in appropriate 'offence'? blahh blahh i lament has entirely obfuscated what FS was FOR - for the majority of people... that freedom, necessity to call out bad acts of baddies. And i don't mean in campuses.  Baddies who may  use child lawfare on Jenny E Holland because they don't like your 'parenting style' - a euphemism for not liking YOU. Your opinions....   Though of course really what it is for is to protect the simple ordinary legal norms applied to those without any 'voice' beyond a few instagram pretend friends.  When for instance, as still happens, the parents tell the school they aren't sure if they wish their 5 year old to have a vaccination as they have read some seemingly intelligent material suggesting there are risks... shabby NAzi authority figures (unjustly) use child law to silence them... 

Ohhh my ... even teachers will sometimes - maybe often, go into 'dangerous parent' mode and threaten decent parents with the very worst of futures... and the parents can't go public or even talk about it openly.  

Just as Stalin did... just as all tyrants have ever done... use the kids to get at the (heterodox / iconoclast  ) parents 

(the law i took forward was mainly aimed at protecting HETERODOX parents i knew and legally supported from mid 00s- i.e. the ones who think for themselves, often home school, and are in fact more thoughtful parents the system really does hate/fear)


Now thats the last time i mention all that except to explain why i nowadays despair.  Many years speaking with ordinary people about 'freedom of speech'  - what it was FOR; what i took public as test case protecting that basic need to have as last resort access to press, the last 6 or 7 years it now has been entirely lost in what you quite rightly call out the need to even offend (the precious) in an attempt to get to 'truth' yes about all sorts of mad woke stuff...

culture wars on "you can't say that" has DESTROYED all discourse on what FoS was REALLY necessary for.... protecting the small person against state (or big business) bad acts.....it is the real tragedy of this last decade the woke argument has diverted us all from that forever necessity.

Ohh yes as a demi-Norther irelander i have a secondary credential which is that in the 90s i owned a small bookshop in Hay-on-Wye,  and one day an Irishman came in asking me if i could get him what he described as a 'banned book'... intrigued i bought a load of them and proudly sold in my shop the banned book

The Committee... https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/The_Committee.html?id=bxGHAAAAIAAJ&redir_esc=y

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1355759.The_Committee ......hailed by many experts as the most important book about Northern Ireland ever written  [he alone pointed finger at UK complicity in murder squads in Ireland suiting the UK purpose of making the troubles more gruesome than need be...for vested interests' benefit]

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2000/mar/31/northernireland.sarahhall

 
i already knew Pilger and Tariq Ali well - my mentors,  but Mc Phillemy joined that group of real journalistic heroes as soon as i put my nose into his great book. 

In 2006 I had the privilege of appearing on the same webpage as him  referring to the few most notable freedom of speech legal cases https://www.simonclayton2020.com/p/price-qc.html ... Price QC  did Sean, too I am immensely proud of. 

Years of lawfare by the state subtly destroying Sean i believe took a great toll on him. Only late last year did the final official exoneration come out - nobody even noticed,  that his great book was 100% accurate 

"ART"

Now, it may not yet appear so but this is a work of art - now..

perfart

As only one curator or whatever she was of it at last kindof 'get's that even when asked "are you an artist"

"no"

I disagree i can see a real artist in you.."

" yes you are right" 

Aparet from being right i also know a miracle when a British female of the species doesnt automatically argue as a default setting.

ooh that's a popular page, here 

and in real life which for me has been for two decades an extension, when NOT being a 100% on duty parent - meaning not that we had mobile phone signal lass and I up in the hills, had we it would have been OFF, always... when she was living equally with me, an extension in my free time not being ripped off by employers who pretended they wished their gates fixed and fences built in the REAL hills of E Wales ..into attempting to say or even photojournalise real things, about real society on behalf of the many damaged by it who don't have my bounce...as i have always had bounce..

Live from the top of the very underwhelming Dartmoor, no offence to the suburb that is the SW but i lived most of the previous to 2023   30 years  up real hills trhat are also lonely and nowhere which is so so good for you - being nobody nowhere..

And in such places one learns to stick all of everywhere into perspective.

One thing being nobody really cares about the state so torturing parents such that Ai Weiwei would appreciate Helena Kennedy should shut the fuck up with her on Monday last " we should censor some speech" 

When on 19th January    https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002q2qm [vpn required wiscribe great if outside uk] even the rather dubious Gove  with no qualifier or nuance says " we now have the GROTESQUE situation that venture capital money profits from children being taken into 'care' [wrongly,  as he well knows as Cameron did and Gove was big bumchums still is one can be sure] .."

Anyway these pages sorry big job to scroll back 3 years ago - feature commentary on how the superb film Listen https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Listen_(2020_film)  apart from featuring great acting by the only filmstar woman i have ever fancied bigtime and she ignored my imploring her to collaborate on maybe a book or the like woe is me... because she also clearly has a super REAL mind... 

Is art and truth. Ive been in those rooms seeing parents tortured precisely as Ana so brilliantly portrayed..

And yes we need 'art' about all that HOWever....

As riffed upon here a year or so ago (a post called  "this is england" or it may be on Ralph) sadly they are about 15 years too late or at least ten...

Because as a still occasional lay legal operative advising parents in the hell of that movie unfortunately and i dont use 'labels' as i know how the state terrorises fairly sane parents with them... 

Almost everyone does have BPD...  they can no longer rationally connect the actions so so lovingly laid out in front of them by me at great length kindly and empathetically.. to REMEDY their situation, to the fact they must with people like me holding their hands, DO the steps to remedy the situation and merely have become some bizarre VERY assiduous communicator OF the injustices they have befallen, and even 'activist' against these injustices... and very intelligently recite long stretches of the files with the case against them...on their PHONE to me or people like me or even in person for free not even a sarnie offered to rendez vous with them and listen for hours... (despite them having much nicer clothes  than i and often very expensive tattoos when i can't even afford a haircut so have left it for decades - rather focusing on using my meagre income on REAL life - assisting them ) 

In short yes Matthewsitis did gradually roll over so much of the land..

And it fatal.

To society at large and especially the kids - if not yours they will have friends brought up in a very BPD household and it can't be cured.

The day it began...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidnapping_of_Shannon_Matthews 

Anyway now for several years i riff but VERY purposefully to rev myself up for all that i knew 5 years ago matters, to just maybe with some artfulness say SOMETHING useful about not only child matters but my equal concerns the environment (and at root of all DIRE modern day journalism) 

And at last as well of thousands of readers the last year often 4000 a day,  at

https://www.ralphschism.com/

some even put their hands in their pocket and cough up cash for my huge always free offering of artful riffing, 'gonzo' journalism - which isn't if one has a mind one knows i am being two dimensional and my words are deadly serious...even if dressed up in performance art

https://www.ralphschism.com/p/funding.html

The real 'art' is i loved it when for years no bugger coughed up into 

Anyway so much of 'this' meaning the real stories behind this ..

actually are woven into the huge monolithic Proust on no drugs as i never even drink  - pure in the 'zone' creative waffle ... thousands of pages some even ok poems all 100% spontaneous

https://www.ralphschism.com/2025/10/nowthere-is-sequence.html

me and Chapman

https://www.ralphschism.com/2024/09/the-artist.html

and actually not 'me' by which i mean not the 'real' me though not any  performace alter ego either - the real 'ART' is pumping onself up top say SOMEthing be it in person or on the page, when one is a VERY quiet reserved part hermit all ones life...

BUt even hermits aint thick when they encounter so many saying NOTHING..

artful or real...so let go and  give the greatest gift of all - be someone not oneself to attempt to make a higher than the 'self' fuckin point!

Nobody does..i know as i have meandered 5 years seeking just one who may

plus  - far more my 'self' 

https://ralphschism.substack.com/

Plus https://landlope.com/ a kindof simpler real self

All soon - but so many hundreds of pages and many absurdist video clips all quite sane and philosophical...

needs to be woven back together into one big comfy blanket

it works i have never been as CNTRED and happy...always....come what may

The only thing i am unhappy about is having 100% 'let go' in an attempt to let inner new creativity soar a tad knowing a few collaborators would be good...i have spent at least 1000 hrs face to face with several potentials and every single one is a pseud who fakes their interest in even art...

i was planning to develop https://www.pseudeia.com/ more stand-alone poetically, a bit Homer like...

but havent had the battery time, yet... as that's what it was created for 10 years ago.. 

Nothing has changed at all in fact only got worse

(why the environment is buggered)

But what has really got even worse is even artists no longer know " Grayson Perry said he made by FAR the most cash in his whole dull career selling an exhibition of his art taunting HIS OWN rich customers...  so lets make art on how the rich utterly screw the environment THEY largely own thats where the CASH is nothing new under the sun the rich  used to pay painters to stab them in the neck via a good painting 500 years ago for gods sake!"

is artful ...and worth a go...

ALL artists i ever meet are meek conformist cowardly custards..

shame as i know for even more certain there really IS money in very jabby art - blaming Banksy for failing to REALLY motivate anyone to do any REAL eco martyrdom - which isnt as each one of us cutting WAY back on our overuse of xenobiotics (see ralph and asil my guest posts there is infact freedom and makes the cutter back feel great over time...art about that too would be good! nobody dares bother to try.. anyway i have 2 decades of fabulous archive chronicle that needs turning into simpler art for the simple 1 dimensional minds it seems we have nowadays by default unless someone proves me wrong...none of even my artists friends dare do...as they are so ridiculously conformist even my bestie a revolutionary fabulous brown babe  was there on marches pro Pally but dare NOT say in her art which she says to me frequently and quite articulately that our society ids one hundred percent one dimensional and the only time it ever goes 2d is when YOUR self made cages are wobbled off the dull shelf and you bounce....... but you never leave them i know i have all my life been a very very photographer's-eye, people watcher...i see no tits out backs straight and march on ever anywhere, merely shuffling, nowhere... and that's the pretty ones!) 

Inspired...

 

If a certain schoolteacher i met today puts her splendid nose in here, I am going to try to write one short succinct summary, in fact of our conversation. (as universal and never personally meant  - never about any one person, but that was a most sincere wonderful riff upon the 'issues'...and i know it was received fully  - i enjoyed so finding that sincerity.) As, although inadequate - Neruda said " A conversation does not begin until we have been speaking for an hour..", it really was the perfect chat. All I have been about for 25 years but especially the last decade was in a wonderful, and i know sincere, meeting of minds. Doen't mean anyone ever has to do ANYthing...but 10 years i do seek some kind of at least creative thinker - anyone can! you just have to DO it.... on those subjects...

And I have been inspired to attempt  to leave here one simple summary. 

Even if for ten years my real main 'mission' has been the hilariously failed one to find a companera who is on the same page regarding certain things in that conversation. They are universal; but most became too precious (fearful and also made lonely by the absolute dystopian inability TO address the basics - and thus so many of their relationships rather shallow... and that's before we add in the atomisation of social media)

I am 100% constant. The mood i express - though 'pumped up' for the purpose of attempting to find new friends, is my mood, always, no matter what. I know i achieved that   - never taking anything to heart ever again and also mojo 95% always - and keys are not in ANY self help book. It also happens that its crystal clear scientifically that we live longer and also are far more protected from the ubiquitous 'age related memory issues' if we do in fact 'engage' (with society) at the level that may indeed be sometimes a bit risky, and even lose us (shallow) friends... those who live out their integrity, really do keep their brain tip top and their eyes brighter for longer. That above all i would wish to pass on ....

26 December 2015 i walked out on midwinter morning...to sort of restart life a little. A few months after a several year splendid coupling up had ended, and kindof looking after a slightly troubled young woman ...it was time for me now.

For several years i had mentored the young woman into her wish quite independently to take part in grassroots (And official) Green politics in the region - our 'territory The Marches from Hay in the South to Clun in the North. 4 constituencies. Known on sight by various landowners and farmers in the region as ecofocused (even though i could speak 'farmer' as i had been one in my youth)  there was always considerable risk. In the booneys they dont like Greens. They can get hurt. Especially when there were so very few of us.

I had also in 2010 and 2014 had two different experiences on fairly large (and valuable half a mil or more) landholdings owned by single  women well into middle age which were hilariously dangerous.  various forms of very dubious activity ongoing i had no idea of at frst and the way it goes as as one is seen as uncorrupted - even if one isnt daft you dont rub it in, they dont half scratch... they will do almost anything to harm you seriously - usually by false allegation or something similarly wonky..

For that reason i ALWYS had a 'protective' recording device on whenever i ventured out.

My entirely innocent quest pilgrimage that i didnt know i was beginning and which i would be engaged upon maybe 1/4 of all daylight hours from then until now was twofold but it became three.

I jot enjoyably most days at this site - a more cheeky seditious version of life, though far more real than this site aimed at attracting a publisher or filmmaker.  This morning i put these audio files up

https://www.ralphschism.com/2025/12/the-solution.html

But there's nothing new in it as frequently i refer for years to two simplest matters: to protect the environment - be active in that world one is taken   FAR  more seriously if in a couple.

 And one can be far more effective as a couple more or less singing from the same hymn sheet (As Bach inspired me to attempt to find in his rather great Bridge Across Forever).

Furthermore as i say in the first audio (on marriage or equivalent) even parents are treated FAR more respectfully by teachers doctors and any other 'child services' department if they are seen as a couple. Fact. If social services are made aware of some suggestion a child is being mistreated time and time again, in fact ALWAYS they are far less ready to abuse and play games with a child who has two parents that attend 'safeguarding' style meetings, together. Whereas they pick on single parents.  Frankly many such organisations are little more than rather grubby 'bullies'. Bullies pick on solo targets.  This extends into many other areas of life as riffed upon in the audio landlords treat solo tenants FAR worse than those in couples.

My objective find a new partner for life... aforementioned reasons. By that time almost recovered fully from 5 years of terrible inner cement mixer... my child was fatally used as weapon  xmas and then fully January 2010, by the worst of all men ... they never recover from that ...

As i would wander along - mainly walking in the hills, chat up any potential new landowner  - befriend, maybe find some enjoyable new smallholder/landwork - i like to do for around 1/3 the available daylight  hours.

si i started to walk out most days a few hours sometimes all day. Around 1/4 of all daylight hours. I was based 100m from the base of the Welsh foothills 7km from Presteigne (a cheaper far shabbier version of Hay-on-Wye  - ,me4aning most of the new wave of incomers there hhad only read about 2 half decent books in theior whole life but pretended they were Mother Theresa met Helen MAcdonald or RAynor Winn..)  same distance from Kington (99% oldschool Herefordshire extreme drunkard druggy underclass) the other way. I far preferred my walkings out to....Kington.

In short as i walked (no car a few years) ... in the hills or sometimes to the towns for groceries and attempting to find on the cheap good books in the many charity shops around for my daughter's library.. (about 750 great books lit etc) i wouold speak with random peeps met in the rural places - often alone up in the hills,  and attempt to get as ALLIES any local person - allies in Green stuff first..

but then as 2016 clicked in...on matters EU...

And from then my chats - i call chronicles CLEARLY never ever staged... became such an interesting record OF ... 2016... and the aftermath

But i DO things too....so myself i began to extend my wandering far further afield really revving up usually one to one talk on EU matters to discover if ANYone would wish to join others and be prepared at least to DO something...(come any future vote) 

so i became most 'active' ... but nobody ever ever would follow through on their words...

2020 for me in past region infact rather enjoyed - we didn't 'have' a pandemic meaning very sparely populated and many did have to continue as normal - farming building etc... i revved up from summer into solely green issues chats and having solo stopped a large development 2016/17 and solo stopped a few other local eco problems i was ready to go into a superboosted orbit...so 3 years seeking allies.... so so many chats 

ruined rivers (all The MArches now  - all the way up the Welsh English border - which is almost impossible to grasp with such low population) ...etc.. Extinction Rebellion came and went...ran away crying actually. I was a kindof fairly active cheerleader attempting to nudge many in to meetings and become involved.

Then relocating (only for the one REALLY hoped for companera...to the SW summer 2023, that being a non starter, from early spring 2024 wandering 1000s of km the Coastal path and finding true jo at last: hundreds of walking Europeans !

I get on well with them having spent a lot of my first adult 20 years more in Europe than UK.

I am not in the loop in respect of European environmental matters but still was in respect of childhood.

Over 18 mths until this autumn i have had dozens of even formal 'interview' chats with European mothers and also many school teachers and social workers on their health Cornish walking holidays.

One day (soon) i must get to publishing it all - all recorded...

" so do you Euro mum/teacher have self harm, drug, false allegation, 'gender' issues continually distracting your day...?even child sui*ide..?"

" sorry what do you mean....what are you speaking about please?"

i.e. they dont

My chronicle near 10 years of what Britain really became ...though theres fun and me making a fool of myself chatting up admired hillwalking women etc etc... i know is important. There are ten books in it all.

One of course a Quixotic or even Odyssey-style  ..'journey'...road trip all on foot and often just around a region i may be based in for 6 months down here moving every 6mths to different parts of the coast now by Dartmoor i guess i will stay at... though i have no idea if its possible to find ANY sincere friend - my my its so cliquey...and as for work, well

see the gibbers on ralphschism

One cannot believe one word that comes out of ANY mouth....ever any more.... 

And i photograph all my jobs for protection even after ive said on day 1 " i assume that every landowner rich enough to employ a slave at minimum wage will have hidden cameras so you wont get fiddled on hours of work...nor any tools pinched...." so it AINT ME as they all say GREAT JOB ... and either fuck you over future promised work (meaning you end up not looking for new work content with what promised)  or 50% of the time have wriggled out of wages owed!

Thats why i record every word...

there is NO hope for the uk. None... morally bankrupts if the landowners - often nothing more than jhumped up ex bohemians whove inherited mummy's dodgy British Empire cash...cant keep to theior word: pay the rural day worker... there is nothing left

:-) me i love it...long ago learned to lean into it all and just file it all away for future comedic material if i ever geta  socket to write it all up... verbatim will be fine... truth even stranger and more interesting than fiction

names changed to protect...

certainly not the innocent but even if i win 90% of my legal scraps they are SO boring and will cost some mad defamation actor ...more than me... 

ohh yes another reason for my chronicles..

many times in 15 years i sought friend - many christian as it happens, asking "will you keep my story if i keel over dead my lass will know no truth of who her dad was..." 

Discovering every single one narcissistic mad liar even my STILL friend Bishop Jo Penberthy,  i often as i go like some wonky fool have told bits of my 'story' to different random peeps as i quest...odyssey...meander...

the real story

ralph substack audio podcast has already a fair bit woven into it...UNcensored...names named....sometimes

long listen many hours for a very rainy long winter i expect nobody to ever be bothered to ..

but when you cant ever trust anyone to even just hold your story....well..i did it the fun way. It was....and i learned so so so much too...

little bit more to add tomorrow